The Blanket.

UntitledI have this wonderful, snuggly blanket.  I have had this blanket since I was in high school, about 16 years now. I love this blanket. I loved it so much that I took it with me even when I moved away for college.  It stayed with me for the two years I lived away and when I came back home.  I also brought it with me when I moved into my home just 4 years ago.   I thought it’d be with me until the day I was 98 years old. It would be the blanket that I would be covered under when I fell asleep and passed away (morbid, I know, but I’m trying to explain how much I loved this blanket).

However, in the last few months, weirdly, my blanket started to shed into pieces. UntitledAt first I thought it was just losing some little pieces, no big deal. But then I started to notice that pieces of it were crumbling all over my bedroom.   Then my sister started to find pieces of it around the house.   She kept pushing me to throw it away but I refused.  I was adamant that it was fine and I was going to keep it.

Today, I looked at my carpet and what used to be a tan/light brown carpet, was now covered in pieces of maroon.  I was cleaning my bathroom and as I swept the floor, I was sweeping up pieces of maroon (in my bathroom!!).  I looked down in my slippers and I had pieces of it in there, too.  It was heartbreaking.

So I decided that I would fold it up and throw it away.  All I could muster up the strength to do was fold it and put it away. I just don’t have the heart to throw it away yet.

I know, I know, I’m 30 and it’s just a blanket.  Why am I so attached to this thing? The truth of it is, is that it’s just symbolic of my life since turning 30.  I am having to, willingly and unwillingly, let go of things that I thought I’d be carrying with me forever.  I always thought this blanket was going to stay with me.  Just like I always thought certain people would stay with me, or certain beliefs.

But, I feel like I’ve been overwhelmed with this reminder in the last 6 months:  that turning 30 is teaching me is that I have to let go. Whether I’m ready or not. I’ll always love this blanket, and it’ll always hold a special place in my memories and heart.

Boyz II Men were right, it’s so hard to say goodbye.

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