Saturdays with a 30 year old.

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I wish I could say 14 days later that I’ve solved my “bossman Bing” blues by going out and having tons of fun with other 30-year olds.

But that’s not the case.

Although, in my defense, last weekend was our Fall Break and I spent it in DC with some family friends.  We had a great time, despite the government shutdown (which meant no monuments for us) and being rained on for 4 straight days.  Of course as SOON as we left, the rain stopped and the government re-opened.

Story of my life.

And then I looked at how I spent my day today and I just hate my life even more.

I’ve literally spent ALL day doing laundry and lesson plans.  The only breaks I’ve taken is to eat meals and to take a brief, 30-minute nap while waiting for said laundry.  And I’m reading everyone’s statuses and most of them are  out at football games or parks and making all these memories with their families/friends.   But I’m the a-hole sitting at home WORKING.  And I’m working at the same effing job they are!  Why am I killing myself here?

I’ll officially be 30 for 6 months tomorrow, and I’m halfway through this age and I’ve done nothing of any worth.  My life is my job. My job is my life.  And this blog is becoming the unhappiest place on earth, because all I do is complain.  So I’m totally becoming THAT girl.   The one that you unfollow on FB because her posts are so depressing.

You know, I never considered myself a city girl.  When someone asks me if I could see myself moving to a city, I always say no, because I like the quiet of suburbia.   But one thing I felt after being in DC was invigorated.  I was excited to walk around and take the metro.  I loved the idea of having something to do every weekend, and it being FREE.  I was already thinking of how I would plan out which monument/museum I would go to  or how I could walk to some quaint little coffee shop or restaurant to do work and maybe on the weekends take a drive to Virginia if I wanted.

So DC is in my list of places I could potentially go.   I have to work out the living arrangements.  And the work arrangements.

I wonder if VP Biden is hiring?  I would be an awesome secretary.

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#bossmanBing

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I am not going to lie to you.  I like being in charge.   It’s not because I want the limelight or the glory.  It’s really because of my control issues.   I know it’ll work out the way I want if I’m in control.   It’s not because I want to manage other people or control the way they do things — it’s just that I need them to do it the way that’ll work for my OCD tendencies.  Do you know what I mean?   I don’t like being bossy (and I hope I’m not).  I like that people come to me for help, because it makes me feel needed and validates this need in me to know that I what I can say/do is of some value.   I like all that.

But what I hate is feeling like a wet blanket.   Like Chandler feels in this clip of Friends.  I don’t like being seen as “Boss man Bing” — being seen as “uncool” or “unlikable” because I’m the leader.   That’s how I feel right now.   Sure, people like me.   They laugh at my jokes once in a while, but I’m not sure people see me as much more than just “team leader” who makes all the decisions, makes all the schedules, organizes everything, and tells everyone what to do.

I didn’t realize that being a team leader meant I’d end up being that person. You know, the one you don’t invite to go out to eat with the rest of your coworkers because you want to talk about them.   Or invite them to fun outings, because they’ll be the Debbie Downer of the group.   The worst part is that I’m NOT Debbie Downer!!  I’m a ball of fun!  I’m hilarious and I love to let my hair down.  I sing really obnoxiously loud and imitate people inappropriately.  I’m not serious 24-7.  Guys, my 1st language is sarcasm!  I’m freakin fun!

…….It’s just that no one wants to give me a chance to see that side of me.

Nowadays, if my phone is being blown up by texts it’s about work and helping them with something or answering questions.   And deep down inside I want it to be texts from people who want to just hang out with me.  “S, are you busy tonight?  Let’s go watch a movie!” not “Hey, what Math lesson are you teaching this week?”  or “How do I login to our website?”

The truth is, it’s not that I want THESE people to be texting me.  I’m okay with keeping my coworkers, just that.  I don’t see myself being friends longterm with any of them.  They’re all younger than me, married  with/without children, or engaged.   I can’t relate to them and they can’t relate to me.

So what’s my point for all this whining?

Ugh.  I am just lonely.  I want some friends my age.   And unfortunately, my career doesn’t allow me any time to go out and meet people.  The one day off I have is spent grading/lesson planning/or laying in bed trying to recuperate from the week I’ve had. There’s no desire in me to go out and about.

I’m in a huge rut socially and I don’t know how to fix it. Any suggestions?