“The hardest thing to put up with is transition — it takes us out of our element, our comfort zone, where we are sure — we cannot control everything when we are in transition.” – Bishop T.D. Jakes
I find myself in a place of transition. A very difficult, uncomfortable place of transition. In fact, I feel like I’ve been in this place for a while now — at least since the fall of 2012. It seems to me that it has become more obvious since I turned 30 in May. I’m more aware that I’m right on the precipice of something — what that something is, I have no idea.
At the end of the school year, last spring, I felt like I was getting ready to jump into something else. Usually, by the spring semester, I am prepping for the new school year — mapping out how I want my classroom to look, things I want to change. I’m always planning what I want to buy or change. Last spring? Nothing. I couldn’t even force myself to think about it. It was really freaking me out. I had never been so NOT invested and the thought of it made me believe that I actually wouldn’t be coming back to teaching. I didn’t make extra copies of things to use for the next year, I didn’t do any of it. I had believed that I had come to the end.
I didn’t resign — I refused to unless I had a 100% reason to. I took a leap of faith the year before by resigning from my previous school. I wasn’t ready to take another leap just yet. And since I hadn’t seen/heard anything from God, I figured I’ll wait to resign until I did.
So summer comes and goes, I get news about becoming my grade level chair/team leader, as well as taking other leadership positions with technology/web. I didn’t understand why I had all these responsibilities when I knew I had to get out.
That’s usually how it goes right? We see what we want to see. We think what we want to think. We believe what we want to believe. But God’s plans are always so different — and not because we’re wrong — but because He sees so much more than we do.
I have convinced myself that I’m ready and I’ve learned what I’m supposed to learn. But as the school year has started, I’ve already experienced so many lessons and have realized so many of my own shortcomings as a person and as a leader. Things like, I need to be able to delegate responsibilities, not act like I have to do everything, quit putting so much pressure on myself, communicate with everyone on my team, and lead by example.
Every day, I beg God to take me out of this place and change my situations. But I can’t beg Him anymore. I have to accept where I am right now because there has to be a purpose for it. And there is! All those lessons I have learned (and am continuing to learn), will be lessons I carry with me when I go on to lead worship teams or ministry teams — and even my own family.
So, yes, this place of transition is hard. It’s frustrating. It’s a long and weary road. But, Bishop T.D. Jakes said something the other night that has stayed with me, “We were not born to stay where we started.” And I’m so grateful that I am not where I started and I won’t end up in the same place, either.
I’m no longer sharing the journey of turning 30. I’m sharing the journey of being in transition to something bigger and higher.
I’m now a 30-year old in transition.