Heigh-ho! Heigh-ho!

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Well, today is my last day of summer and tomorrow I go back to work.  I’ll be spending my days moving into a new classroom and setting up the classroom all over again.  I’m filled with panic and dread thinking about everything I need to get done.

So please forgive me if you’ve been waiting for a blog post.  You may not see me again until October.

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I Don’t Believe in Soulmates, either!

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I am going to direct you to a blog that someone wrote which I felt was SPOT on to how I’ve lived my life concerning marriage and finding “the one” and where I am NOW and how I feel about those issues.   I so appreciate Hannah, wherever and whoever she is, because she says what I couldn’t accurately or effectively write out myself.   So please go read her blog post about soulmates.  It is fantastic, to say the least.   And I want to be her friend just because of it.

http://theartinlife.wordpress.com/2013/07/22/my-husband-is-not-my-soul-mate/

10 Questions

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Host of “Inside the Actor’s Studio” James Lipton, always asks his guests the same 10 questions.  Recently, while remembering Cory Monteith’s visit he mentioned that when he asked him the question about what God would say when he got to heaven and Cory’s cryptic response was “Uh, sorry I haven’t been around. There’s a good explanation.'”

It broke my heart to read that.  To think someone has lived his life thinking that God hasn’t been there.  And no one was there to tell him otherwise.   And now, he’s dead at 31 and he’s left a family and a girlfriend with a grief that nothing but God can fill.   It made me sad.  Then I started wondering what I hoped God would say to me when I get to heaven.   I tried to come up with these profound statements and yet the only thing I could come up with was, “You’ve made it.  You’re okay now.”

What will God say to YOU when you arrive in heaven?

Lessons Lucy Has Taught Me

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I Love Lucy.

What I mean is, I love I Love Lucy.  It’s been one of my favorite shows for so long. I even own the complete series on dvd.  I literally LOVE it.  I don’t know what it is, maybe because it’s a classic and it’s STILL funny even today.  It’s just a good ole, reliable, non-raunchy show that I can watch.  You bet I want my kids to watch it, too.

But, the woman in me tends to get offended when I watch it, too.

Mind you, I am not Gloria Steinem or anything.  I’m not this feminist that goes around burning bras and standing up for women’s rights.   But it’s amazing how backwards life and different the world  was when Lucy was on tv.

44297_i_love_lucy

One example, Lucy was given an “allowance” from Ricky as spending money.  Can you imagine? Yes, those were the times.  But can you imagine that now?

Or, when she was pregnant with her baby, there’s an episode where she has a shower thrown for her.  Ricky was feeling “ignored” because she didn’t have time to cook him lunch or dinner because she was so busy with the shower. Then, she didn’t pick up his dry cleaning (mind you, the woman is pregnant!).  So he starts feeling sympathy pains and she has to figure out how to make him feel more important.

These are just a couple of examples out of hundreds of episodes, but the sad part of it is that there are people who live in 2013 that STILL operate this way.  I can name a few Indian men I know that treat their wives like this.

This all just goes right back to my previous post — the confidence of a man.   That whole archaic idea of a woman “knowing her place” still exists but in a new way now.   Nowadays we’re being told what we’re supposed to with our body.  Yes, we can work, but we still don’t make the same amount (or more) than men in our same positions.

Women can have the 9-5 job, raking in 40 hours a week, but they also have to be a chef in the kitchen, a maid for the house, and a pornstar in the bedroom. All because it’s our “place”….this “role” that has been thrust upon us.  A few months ago, a pastor’s wife was speaking to the congregation (that I was a part of) and was talking to us about how to be a good wife (for lack of better words, “keep our man happy”).  She suggested, and I’m not even kidding, that even if YOU (the woman) are tired, you should still be intimate with your husband if he’s wanting it.   Essentially she was saying, it doesn’t matter how YOU feel, lady, if your husband wants it, give it to him because that’s what a dutiful wife does.  Needless to say I was stunned.   What are you telling women??   That it’s not okay to be tired?   That it’s not okay to say NO if you are physically exhausted?   That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard!!

Although, I appreciate how much progress women’s movements have made in 60 years, there is still so much work to do.  I can only hope that for my daughter(s), they will be able to truly stand on their own.

(Blogger’s Note: Lucille Ball, the woman, was a trail blazer in her own right.  I am only referring to the premise of the show and the lives of its characters). 

Stedman, Stedman, Wherefore Art Thou, Stedman?

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I need Stedman Graham.

Ok, wait, maybe that sounds really bad. Let me rephrase. oprah-and-stedman

I need to find a man who is LIKE Stedman Graham.

If you live under a rock and don’t know who I’m talking about, I am referring to Oprah Winfrey’s long-time partner in life. He’s a successful educator, author, speaker, and businessman.  You would think someone with the power of Oprah would have a difficult time finding a man.

The reality is that a typical man would find it very intimidating to be with a woman who is more successful and more famous than he is.  It’s pretty much a sure thing that Oprah brings in lots more money than Stedman does.   For a typical guy, being with a woman like that would question his manhood.

But here’s the thing….I do not want a typical guy.  I want a Stedman.

Stedman is confident in himself and secure in who he is as a man, that he doesn’t feel threatened by Oprah’s success. They both support each other and encourage each other to blaze their own trail and  since they’re successful on their own, they are able to succeed together as a couple.

And I know that lots of guys reading this will say that I’m wrong and that they’re confident enough in themselves to be with a woman who is more successful. But I have yet to find that guy.  Especially in the Indian community.  I have yet to find one (married OR single) that resembles someone like Stedman.   I’m sure all the wives reading this will probably say otherwise.  But unless you’re doing your own thing without your husband’s name somewhere in there, you don’t have room to talk.

Apparently all the Stedmans are taken.

And I have to say, I admire the relationship.  The idea of committing the rest of my life to a man, who may or may not be like Stedman, scares the poo outta me.  I’d rather be in a “long-term” relationship than date a guy, get married, and find out later on that he really isn’t secure enough to let me fulfill the dreams that I have.

I don’t have dreams to be the next Oprah, but I do have big dreams — dreams that may make any typical guy think I’m loony tune.

And unless I find myself a Stedman, this gal may be S.T.R (single til rapture).

Afterthought.

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af·ter·thought

/ˈaftərˌTHôt/

Noun
An item or thing that is thought of or added later.

I am not an afterthought.

I am sick of people in my life – family, former friends, enemies, etc – treating me as such.

It’s always been something that I’ve felt strongly about for years. And all those years I was overdramatic, I was demanding, pushy, selfish, and every other negative connotation you could think of.   It was always OUR fault, it was always US not communicating, US closing doors, US pushing people away.   No one else wanted to take responsibility for being sh*tty people — it was always our fault.   And we took it.   We took the negative reputations.   We took all the name-calling and we’ve sat here while people have disregarded us.   Because we were sick of fighting FOR people who never fought for US.

And yet it continues.  You’d think not hearing from us in YEARS would be enough for you to know that we want nothing to do with you.  But apparently, they think I’m still that girl they thought I was before — that I’d just send them a harsh email griping about why we were the last to know or some crap like that, begging for them to include us in their lives.   But the problem for all those people is that someone didn’t tell them that when I turned 30, a “NO BS ALLOWED” sign went right up next to the, “I DON’T GIVE A —-” sign.  I don’t care if you’re pregnant. I don’t care if you’re getting married. I don’t care if you’re graduating. I don’t care if you’re the next Mother-freaking-Teresa.  If you didn’t care about me then, don’t try to appease me and try to keep me in the know now — all so you can say, “Well, I tried to reach out, but she wanted nothing to do with it. She’s being so dramatic.”

You haven’t spoken to us in years, which obviously is OUR fault, because who else is there to blame right?  My sister and I are the single, fat, lonely spinsters with no life — we’re the ones who should be reaching out if we want to hang out with you.  How honored we should feel that you even remember that we exist. How humbled that we breathe the same air as you do. Forgive us for not recognizing that from the beginning.   But at this point, I could give two pig farts that something big is happening in your life.  I think that’s too nice, really.  I take that back.  I don’t even give ONE pig fart about what’s happening in your life.

I am not an afterthought.

In fact, YOU are now an afterthought.

You’re the smell that the pig’s fart left behind. And as soon as it goes away, I will forget about you.