It’s here. It’s finally here. I am OH-FFICIALLY 30! I woke up excited and so happy that it was here. Like I finally am able to get away with ANYTHING now because I’m 30 (not really, but still…). At first this weekend looked like it was going to be a bust, which would hold true to the last 3 years of my birthdays that have all been an epic fail. Plans were falling through, my day-off that I had planned for 2 months was about to be cancelled, and worst of all a sweet relative (through marriage) passed away tragically and suddenly yesterday — everything that could fail, was failing. But, in the 11th hour things looked up. Plans were still on, another sub swooped in and saved the day…but unfortunately, a family is still left grieving and mourning the loss of a kind uncle.
His sudden passing has reminded me, once again, how fleeting life is. I have spent the last few months complaining about what I DON’T have and what God HASN’T done for me. You would cringe if you heard the things I’ve said TO God and ABOUT Him…it’s a wonder I’m still around, really. Last night I wondered why I was putting so much pressure on God and why I was so adamant that my life wasn’t working out. The thing is, God doesn’t owe me anything. He doesn’t owe me an explanation, or a reason nor does He have to let me in on the plan He has for my life. Life is a crapshoot and the only thing I can do is live each day and be grateful for the time I’ve been given. Anything beyond that is in God’s hands.
People always have these goals for “by the time I’m 30”. Like, I was hoping by the time I turned 30 I would have lost the 100 pounds I so desperately need, I would be doing my dream job of traveling and leading worship, and I would be, if not happily married, at least dating “the one”. I am 0 for 3. And if this was last week, I would have been throwing a big pity party (I mean, read my previous posts, that’ll be enough proof). But I woke up this morning realizing that no one else put that time-table on all those things except me. It was like this whole time I was desperately trying to keep up in the race with everyone around me and I was failing, epically.
But, I think I’m starting to come to the realization that I need to stop comparing myself to everyone else. I have my own race to run, (clearly I’ve been called to run like Forrest — distance and all!) And that’s okay. I have to be happy with the fact that my life isn’t as cookie-cutter perfect and predictable like everyone else — that has to mean that something bigger and better is in store for me, right? Why didn’t God just let me live a life that is like everyone else’s?
Because I’m not like everyone else. And I think today I can say that I’m starting to be okay with that.