Grumpy Old (Wo)Man

Today marks just one month until I am officially 30.  And I think I spent most of my day complaining about where I live, what I do, and the people around me.

Which makes me sad…….for me.  Because I never envisioned myself turning into this person.  This is not how I want to live the rest of my life.  And what makes me sadder is that I have no idea how to CHANGE this.  Also, it makes me upset that I’m spending most of my time complaining about what my life LACKS when the truth of the matter is, my life is full of so much good that I am supremely blessed beyond measure.

This week the world was rocked with the devastating events in Boston and Texas, as well as around the globe, with deadly earthquakes in Iran and China.  While families deal with the aftermath and try to rebuild their lives from having it shaken to the very core — I am complaining about the fact that I still live in the same state for 27 years or that I have a good job with steady income, and that I’m surrounded by a community of Indians that I’m not too pleased about being around.   God, how petty I am.

If I want to change my life, then nothing is stopping me.  I could change it.  I can always make excuses or say that I don’t take risks because of the fear of the unknown, and although that is halfway true, the other (harsh) reality is that maybe I don’t take a risk because the safe choice is to stay where I am, doing what I’m doing.  It’s a lot easier to complain about life than to actually change it.

It’s true when they say that you get mad at the choices other people make because you’re frustrated with your own life.  Just this morning I was talking about a girl who is my age that is still acting like she was in high school and I kept throwing the word “stunted” around.  The truth of the matter is, in a way, I am stunted as well.

Stunted means to retard the growth or development of.  Here I am, almost 30, and I’ve missed so many opportunities to get out and experience life.  And instead of being proactive, I’m stuck at this place of resentment, where complaining is more comfortable than changing.  We’re all stunted in some ways — some refuse to grow up, I refuse to change.

If that’s the case, then I have no right to complain.  Instead, I should look at my life, be grateful for what I’ve been given so freely and undeservingly, and live my life in gratitude of it.   All while keeping that line of the Serenity Prayer in the back of my head:

God grant me the serenity 
to accept the things I cannot change; 
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

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